


It Could've Been Better

by JustDrinkTea



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Universe, Gen, Sadstuck, Thought Projection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-19
Updated: 2013-06-19
Packaged: 2017-12-15 12:55:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/849802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustDrinkTea/pseuds/JustDrinkTea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why did it have to be this way?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Could've Been Better

**Author's Note:**

> Upd8 fanfiction as well as some non-fluff practice for me. I need some of that.

It’s hard to believe this all used to be yours. All the shitty, faded photos and posters. You’re surprised the room has held up as long and well as it did. After all it’s been three years. Well, three years, two months, eleven days…

fuck it. It’s been three years. Damn all this specific ass time shit to hell.

You mumble absently to yourself as you glance some of your old things, the memories associated with each object flooding back to you with record speeds.

There’s that toilet in the corner. It was pretty great when Jade ripped it out. Okay except it wasn’t great at all at the time. But now looking back on it, it was a pretty good time. Running around making harmless chaos was a lot more fun than running around making actual chaos was.

And you had made enough chaos to last the rest of your eternal life.

Or lives, depending on how many times you might die for whatever reasons.

You shake your head, pushing thoughts of death from your mind. You’ve been through that shit enough- there’s no need for you to dwell on it still while you’re alive.

You make your way across the room to the shelf by the window- where your past self used to keep all of his totally ironic dead things. Jars and fossils and old rocks line your vision. You pick up a couple of items, weighing them in your hands and turning them over. A small smile creeps over your lips.

"Aw hell, it's my old dead things collection. What a stupid blast from the past."

It's stupid, yeah. Keeping all these brittle old things in your room for all those years. Were you ever even serious about this stuff? You guess you could've been. The small, lingering, non-ironic interest for the stuff still holds true, you realize as you bring the shriveled hand closer for examination.

Suddenly the realization hits and your smile fades. Maybe it hadn't been a strong liking for these dead objects 13 year old you had, but it was enough that maybe one day, it could've stuck with you and grown. Hell, maybe you'd already have a college picked out my now if you weren't trapped in this timeline. Yeah. A college where you could study rocks and bones as often as you wanted to. Until you got bored and ditched school life, that is. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you find yourself hoping that an alternate you already has plans to go out in the actual paleontologist world four years from now.

You set the things down and push them away, almost roughly. That won't be _your_ life. Because _you_ are a pajama-wearing time god who has to save the universe. Or you'll die trying.

There you go with the death thing again. It was alright to think about dead things when those dead things didn't involve you, but now your thoughts are once more heading south.

You choose, at random, another kind of object to reminisce over. Something that won't make you start worrying about dead Daves again.

You pick up an old selfie, and at once you consider any and all alternatives, because wow these things are fucking awful. They're an insult to all forms of irony and everything your brother ever taught you about the goddamn art. They're a fucking symbol of how terrible and stupid past you was. It's more than an insult to irony, it's an insult to yourse-

Hey that one's pretty good.

You flip through the pictures, laughing to yourself a little bit. They're so stupid you can't help yourself. Look at your past self- thinking he probably has a bright future ahead of him, thinking that his friendships, both online and offline, would last forever. Thinking that the oncoming years would hold nothing more than a few harmless video games with your closest friends, obsessing over one for a month or two before you eventually tire of it. Thinking that maybe someday you could meet up with Rosé and John and Jade. _Thinking that SBURB wouldn't ruin your fucking life._

And you laugh. How stupid you were. How fucking stupid was it that you believed all of that fucking shit. Looking at the faces in each picture makes you laugh harder in disbelief. It's your face, still; not much has changed.

_Are you still stupid to believe that maybe everything will be okay?_

It's stupid. You're stupid. You've always been stupid. Stupid. Stupid. _Stupid._

You never had a chance at choosing the life you lived. You never had a chance at being a paleontologist or an archeologist or going off to school or any of it. None of you did.

Rose was always meant to grow into an alcoholic instead of the beautiful, intelligent woman you wish you could've seen your sister become. John was forced to learn weaponry in order to defend himself from certain and absolute death instead of meaningless strifes in the kitchen. Weapons were always supposed to be limited to you and Jade- the two of you using it as little more than dumb hobbies. And of course, Jade. She had already been through hardships. Hadn't those been enough already? Why couldn't fate allow her to remain as happy and carefree as she was? Instead of having to face more misery. But it was destined even from the start. There was no chance. No chance at all.

You realize you're sobbing as you laugh.

You're breaking. Falling apart. All of you. And the worst part is, you don't know how to make it fucking stop.

Why did it have to be like this? It could've been so much better.


End file.
